Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable – Vlogٷ Sun, 07 Jan 2024 14:29:35 +0000 en-US hourly 1 /wp-content/uploads/2019/05/cropped-fav-icon-B-32x32.png Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable – Vlogٷ 32 32 Learning Coaches: An Option For Re-Imagined Learning /learning-coaches-an-option-for-re-imagined-learning/ /learning-coaches-an-option-for-re-imagined-learning/#respond Thu, 04 Jun 2020 16:53:43 +0000 /?p=7656

A positive aspect of the COVID-19 pandemic was the opportunity to restructure the teacher-student relationship. It provided opportunities for teachers, parents, mentors and community members to re-orient themselves as Learning Coaches.

A Learning Coach is someone who sees and says things to help a student win at his or her learning. The context is a small yet fundamental shift away from teaching. Instead of content instruction, the focus is on relationship-centric practices that foster agency, growth and learning habits.

Even though we are back to in-person instruction, utilizing the perspective and approach of a Learning Coach can radically shift the relationship between Teacher and Student. To do this well, we work with Teachers to use the rich contextual orientation and three operational spheres described in this post.

Orientation

  • Causing Best Self

Operational Spheres

  • Help Establish The Playing Field

  • Support Gaps/Creative Resourcing

  • Reach and Reciprocity

Causing Best Self

Note: The idea of Causing Best Self is a significant aspect of our Framework for Availability that we train educators, managers and facilitators in through our online course. The basic idea is below.

Beyond a vague notion of pop psychology, the context of Best Self can help ignite self-directed learning – a critical component of education that teachers rarely receive direct instruction about how to develop this vital trait. Having the teacher/coach understand and use “Causing Best Self” as a frame of reference shapes a needed foundation for any educational environment.

The idea of Causing Best Self is a solid, simple and elegant orientation that cuts through much of the barriers we often experience in communication and building relational spaces – even virtually. It creates a path of doing ‘with’ versus doing ‘to’ and produces faster activation of participation, learning, and collaboration.

In our work with groups, we created a definition of Best Self, and we find it to be well supported in research. We have seen it in action in hundreds of diverse settings. We say Best Self is an experience of, and/or an aspiration towards:

    • Self-agency

    • Being valued

    • Belonging

    • Connection

When students (and people in general) experience one or more of these, they have a sense of being their Best Self. Think about it for yourself: when you had an experience of any one of the four listed above, how did it feel to you? Were you proud of yourself, content or inspired? Were you interested in repeating whatever you did that caused that sense of Best Self? You felt this way because you experienced your ‘self’ meeting one of those basic needs.

Human beings also aspire toward these aspects. Students (and teachers, parents, etc.) desire experiences where they are autonomous, important, have a sense of being part of something and are in real relationship to others. This results in a powerful motivating force, any one of which can be used to help propel movement in the disaffected learner.

Because they are such vital aspirations and sought-after experiences, you can use these components of Best Self as a context or ethos to coach through. When coaches do this, they look for ways to give their ‘player’ an experience of self-agency, being valued, being connected and having a sense of belonging. This is a relationship-centric practice that can easily create a coach’s modus operandi. Using the lens of Best Self puts an expansive view of relationships at the forefront of the coach, and – as any great coach will tell you – paying attention to relationships significantly impacts success and human performance.

Finally, the key difference with this umbrella context is not what it is, but what it is not. It is not a drive for standards mastery, or testing improvement. It is not focusing on content achievement tracking or study habits. Those frameworks did not work well in the distance learning environment of a pandemic and they will not help a Teacher develop as a Learning Coach. What will work is relationship-based practices that put the learner at the center of their learning. This will take time to build momentum and see results, but we have a real opportunity with this context to reinvigorate a passion for learning that we all know often sees a steep decline from 4th to 9th grade. A Learning Coach who creates opportunities for students to have experiences of their Best Self while learning will find a ready and interested partner who will then be more willing to include some measure of needed competency and standards mastery. The added benefit for schools will be the parallel Social and Emotional development outcomes that will be achieved as students/coaches work concurrently on self-management, self-awareness, responsible decision-making and more.

Three Spheres of Work

The Learning Coach operates in three intertwining spheres as a basic framework with the learner. While any number of scenarios can work, we have found that one teacher needs 30 minutes a week/student to build a regular habit. This could mean 7-10 hours/week for a teacher with 15-20 students. This is a perfect role for mentors and community members to be trained in as well, which could free up time for the teacher to focus on higher-need learners.

Help Establish the Playing Field

This will be the biggest challenge for many teachers-as-coaches, as it upends a very traditional and mythical paradigm. Rather than the teacher outlining the scope and scale of the learning, a Learning Coach gives the pilot seat to the student. Why? Because students can build a self-directed learner muscle more easily if they are pursuing learning of their own choice and motivation, rather than something mandated or forced.

Within this sphere, the coach’s role is to help the learner define the playing field. The teacher will resist the temptation to define the playing field, but rather help the student think through:

  • What do you want to learn about or work on?

  • What will the learning look like?

  • What are the boundaries of study?

  • What might a final product look like?

Once a student has experienced some habit of self-agency and connection with the coach (key Best Self components), their disposition towards learning and their coach will shift and become more available – giving Coaches the chance to broaden the ‘playing field’ with learning that may not be student-choice.

Support Gaps/Creative Resourcing

The student-player is in the process of becoming just like all students – meaning he is not there yet. Hence the coach’s role to identify any areas that need extra attention and awareness. We find that the best method is to follow three steps: 1) Jointly align on what the gap is and get permission to coach; 2) Objectify the gap and coach from there using creative resourcing, and; 3) Combine when it’s time.

1. Jointly align/permission – Have a conversation to align on what gaps are present. Asking “What do you feel are things you might need to work on to have success with your project?” gives the student a chance to be the pilot. If you have perspectives to share about gaps you notice (and you have permission) share them. Prioritize which ones need attention first. We have found that every student from 4th grade on up (often earlier as well) has this ability to name their gaps. It is particularly important to note that they also almost universally appreciate the opportunity to go to work on them.

Permission is bedrock to coaching. We do not proceed until we have permission from the player to be their coach. This is a profound act and one that shifts the “doing to” mindset for both the coach and the student. It creates a spirit of mutuality and shared-responsibility. Read more about our take on Permission.

2. Objectify gaps – Rather than make the gaps a personality flaw or labeled as something ‘wrong’, turn them into objects and coach for success. If you have both identified that “procrastination” is going to get in the way and needs to be improved, put on your creative coaching hat and send in a ‘play’ to practice that object (objectifying the gap separates it from the content and makes it easier to work with). In this way, learning coaches do not need to be content experts, they need to be creative resource experts. A good sports coach does not look at a player who needs to run faster and says “run faster”, she devises strategies and games and drills that build speed. The Learning Coach must be fantastic at piecing together an array of resources that meet the needs of the student-player. Coaching creatively takes thoughtfulness. Our experience with coaches and mentors is that they stop way too early when looking for a creative solution. Let your imagination run and you will find that the more creative the play, the more success it will bring.

3. Combine when it’s time – Great coaches will break new learning into specific tasks only in the beginning. Once there is basic familiarity, combine gap responses

A recent teen I worked with was keeping his eye on two distinct aspects of himself to work on: procrastination and communication with his family: I combined his gap practice and coached him to share out loud with a family member when he was starting his learning, what he planned to accomplish and when he anticipated finishing. We tracked this ‘practice’ each day and talked about it’s impact, and a real shift came about in both areas.

Supporting gaps could look wildly different for different learners. Some may identify encouragement, or help finding information, or specific competencies like writing or solving for ‘x’. Your role is not to ‘run’, your role is to recognize that the student cannot see themselves when they are ‘running’. Coach towards the gaps you see, starting with the ones you both can align on.

Reach and Reciprocity

This is the serve and return methodology of early childhood educators and the heartbeat of an experiential pedagogy. The first three steps have been detailed above.

  1. Identify the gaps or the learning the student is interested in

  2. Creatively resource the gap

  3. Have the student run the play

  4. THEN: Promote dialogue on performance and effort.

      • How did that go?

      • What worked? What did not work?

      • What was the value of that for you?

      • What would you do differently in the future?

  5. Repeat as needed, adjust or move on. Develop the routine so that you both get used to the learner ‘running a play’ and then returning to talk about it.

Teachers-As-Learning-Coaches may not seem like a significant shift, but the change in dynamic needs thoughtful preparation and training, and could well be the springboard we need to support learning as a lifestyle, rather than the coercive act it often is. There is a real opportunity here to help students and teachers move their mindset about learning towards a “doing with” rather than a “done to” paradigm.

Vlogٷ has been working with mentors, teachers and coaches for 20 years to find the best ways to build relational environments that support self-agency in young people. If you are interested in more information or would like to chat about what you have read, on our calendar or take a look at our online Mind the Gap Master Class.

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Best Virtual Meeting Strategies #2 /best-virtual-meeting-strategies-2/ /best-virtual-meeting-strategies-2/#respond Fri, 17 Apr 2020 17:11:36 +0000 /?p=7555 **In this new normal of remote work, how can you help connection thrive and maintain team performance? We are sharing effective strategies to boost engagement taken from our online Minding the Gap Master Class that are just as helpful in this new virtual world, where the “Gap” can be very evident.

One of the ideas from last week – “Begin Before It Begins” – received this comment from an educator in Nebraska:

“I have been scheduling weekly Zoom calls which have been good but I have been disappointed with the low numbers of students participating. Then I realized I was only sending out one short post on the Remind App. I decided after reading the post to take more time the day before and send the link by email and text and even Snapchat through my son’s account. The result was almost every student was on the call!”

This was one of three ideas in our last post to help get yourself and others connected and perhaps more importantly orient themselves towards the work and each other.Take a read through our next idea below and see where it may fit for you!

When Standards Fall, Highlight the Non-Normal

Have you noticed a creeping mediocrity in your life or the work of your team or students? There are plenty of recommendations out there to “take it easy” on ourselves, but when it comes to work and/or learning, you are likely expected to raise the bar (or at least keep it from slipping lower!).

No worries: try these steps towards an effective practice that checks so many positive benefit boxes in order to “Highlight the Non-Normal”:

  1. Turn up/Tune in your listening. In order to highlight something you have to notice it first. Simply reading this post is already tuning your observation systems to be on the alert, now just pay attention.

  2. Notice non-normal participation where someone went farther than usual or expected: they took the extra step, stretched themselves or went above and beyond. Someone may challenge an assumption, ask a difficult question or volunteer to pursue a complex task. Maybe you hear about or notice someone not giving into complacency, or trying out something off-the-wall. Whatever raises the bar on your team’s notion of ‘engagement’ or ‘participation’, notice it.

  3. Highlight it! Shine a spotlight on it in someway: appreciate/acknowledge the person, ask what difference that made, etc. – just do anything you can to put more focus on the action.

By paying attention to whatever that person did that was exemplary, you are shining a light on the quality of participation you want. When this new kind of participation gets highlighted, there is an implicit permission for others to participate at the same level. In that moment you have interrupted the normal script and moved the relational space to a place of dissonance*.

As more and more non-normal outputs are highlighted, a new-normal is created: the team now knows that a different kind of participation is standard in this setting. They will come to expect it and it will even carry over from session to session. As new employees or students join, they will adapt to whatever the ‘normal’ is, so the more engaged the better!

As the engagement bar gets raised and normalized, you will notice that:

  • people will get more value out of participating at that level

  • people are creating and experiencing heightened relationships with each other and there will be a great sense of belonging, a key predictor of a group’s success.

A final benefit and one we will share about in our next post is this: when you highlight the non-normal, you are helping yourself and others practice being comfortable with the uncomfortable. Simply put, teams and classes that can master this profound practice see an exponential increase in performance through heightened cooperation, creativity, focus, relationships and more.

As the pandemic alters normal all around us, use this tool to create a new-normal, based on qualities and competencies you want to foster in your team or classroom.

* In our Master Class we highlight this as a significant contextual understanding when working with people and we use the metaphor of the Elephant/Rider developed by Jonathan Haidt and used by Daniel Kahneman to help explain this vital neuroscience and the impact it plays when working to build engagement with individuals and groups. Check it out here.

Looking for a daily practice to help keep you or others connected to your ‘self’ and the world around you? Check out The Elementals – a new product from Vlogٷ.

 

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Morgan Blanco – Getting the World /vulnerability-touch-voice/ Tue, 06 Sep 2016 09:51:17 +0000 /?p=1118  

When I started my journey abroad I had a vast amount of feelings, spreading from fear to excitement. I think I found that being a Boldleader allowed me to see that there is beauty in each of these feelings that I was having.

My time abroad has been one filled with uncomfortable situations allowing for me to transform my perspectives about the world even more, and making me come alive!

These feelings of vulnerability led to some of my greatest memories during my time abroad thus far. It has also allowed me to explore some of the basic human resources that I had lost, which were touch and voice. The relationships and friendships that I have gained through these amazing experiences has made me believe in myself so much more and has helped me enjoy every weird, joyful, and different minute of my time here. I found that the amount that I put in is minimal to the great amount I have gotten out from this experience. I wanted to participate fully and play the fool, and so far it has given me the world!

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Cody Broncucia – Navigating Challenges /navigating-challenges/ Sat, 13 Aug 2016 09:36:21 +0000 /?p=1103
Without a doubt, and without fear of overstating, the ideas and techniques that I learned from the facilitators at Vlogٷ are the reason why I decided to study abroad as a Rotary exchange student in high school and continue to travel extensively while in college.

Looking back, Vlogٷ didn’t just enable me to have the confidence to travel but gave me the ability to make my travel a positive experience, which has involved overcoming communication barriers, “culture-shock,” a lack of infrastructure and an array of other challenging circumstances. What’s kept me traveling is that fact that I love experiencing new cultures, meeting new people and experiencing new places in the not so traditional, sometimes superficial way. However, if I had not learned to be comfortable with the uncomfortable or how to be “FM” or knowing that there is a universal human language, I would have never been able to get through the tough moments of travel or been able to build the necessary relationships that lead to being able to live in and experience a country in a more authentic way.

Travel is overly romanticized and painted as endless experiences of being taken in like family from the people of the country, endless sunrises and sunsets over exotic and lost in time locations, or non-stop adventure. Although these moments certainly happen, between the most beautiful sunrise that comes up over the Amazon River or eating tamales at sunset—the ones you made from scratch by going out to the corn field—with you friend Lucho in El Salvador, you probably had to navigate your way through 100 other challenges to get there. Vlogٷ give you tools to get through challenges and connect with people, and a mindset that, no matter what happens, allows you’re experience abroad will be a valuable and positive one.

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Savannah Ducharm – Letting Go of Bittersweet Defenses /letting-go/ Sun, 03 Jul 2016 09:48:37 +0000 /?p=1114 My truth is that there are a lot of things you can say to convince yourself and other people of who you are. You can fill your lungs with what you think they want to hear. But if you do that, nothing comes back to you. You are left exasperated. Letting go isn’t comfortable, since these things become bittersweet defenses to things you feel you can’t change. In a new country, with these new people, you’ll want to hold onto these defenses more than ever. You’ll feel small at times and out of control.

I used to criticize myself for holding on so tightly. You’ll see why it had to be that way. You were small so you could grow. What’s hard about being told to grow is wanting it so badly. Just know, that whatever you’re feeling is okay. My advice is to try and listen before you think of what to say. Forgive yourself when you don’t. Mind the gap that carries all that space between where you are and where you want to be. Be grateful. There is something in you that begs for this. And now you are being given an opportunity to learn some humbling, beautiful, extraordinary lessons.

There are times, often times, when I feel like that sixteen-year-old girl in another country, (Kenya) for the first time. Right now I’m sitting in an empty pink bedroom, in a creaky green house, in the colorful city of Valparaíso, Chile. There is no way I could have prepared myself for how uncomfortable I am. But I laugh about it. I’m constantly falling in love with this strange place. In large part because of my training, I am patient. I listen like my life depends on it. I regard people as leaders. I regard myself as a leader. My story rests somewhere like inspiration. When parts of my insecurity catch me, I am patient again.

Just remember, despite how it might feel, you’re the one who asked for this. Your future self will look back and regard you as a teacher.

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Hannah Urtz – Creation of the Self /creation-of-the-self/ Mon, 28 Mar 2016 09:38:07 +0000 /?p=1105 When we set out to travel, it is often with a busy mind and a hopeful heart. Amidst the anticipation, guidebooks are consulted, weather reports are checked, and lovely screenshots of our destination begin to occupy our desktops. There is purpose in this, but this kind of preparation lacks the intention that has the power to transform a trip into a profound human experience. We travel, of course, to see new sights, taste new delicacies, and to be so deeply stirred that even our old lives may be seen through new lenses. Essentially, we look to gain vital global perspective and enjoy a respite from our regular routines. Yet, part of the beauty of leaping from one’s comfort zone into the unknown is not just the discovery of new lands, but the discovery and the creation of the self and one’s capabilities.

New and uncomfortable situations are fertile ground for massive internal shifts: the realization of dreams, self-reckoning, and the awakening of power. Yet this does not occur merely because of the whimsy and romance of the world; it is deliberate. It is the consequential byproduct of set intention, self-reflection and practice in an unfamiliar situation. Though it may seem like the new and exciting land is the most important part of this equation, it is the deliberate way of being with which one enters this foreign land that remains the most impressive agent of change. It is only through internal preparation prior to travel that this can be achieved.

As someone who has now spent some time living abroad in places very different from the US, I have come to realize just how vital these lessons are, not only in my own self-understanding, but also in merely functioning on a day-to-day basis. In preparing an internal project, I have been able to set an intention that has opened me up to more profound and beautiful human experiences. In practicing my being (a difficult task for a self-proclaimed knower) I find myself at ease and sure in difficult times, and true to myself in others. In reflection I understand myself, my growth and my place. My time abroad has facilitated, necessitated and demonstrated all of this, though it has not created it. I have done that (and I continue to work on it!), quite purposefully, once I had been prepared.

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Caroline Meserve – Mind the Gap /blog-mind-the-gap/ Wed, 16 Mar 2016 15:45:48 +0000 /?p=1112 London was great because every time I boarded the Tube I was reminded to “mind the gap” – (The motto of Vlogٷ). I minded the gap within the relationships I made there but most importantly I minded that gap between myself and my surroundings. I got to experience so much last year and it would have been a shame if I had not been truly present for it.

I intentionally made choices that made me uncomfortable and more aware of these gaps. I know from my Vlogٷ training that there is so much to gain from doing what makes me uncomfortable, which is what led me to choose a year long study abroad program where I would be traveling by myself, not with my school.

I learned how to keep pushing, figure things out on my own, ask for help when I needed it and play at a new level. While I was there I did something that was uncomfortable everyday, from starting a conversation with someone new to exploring a different part of London or traveling to another country for a weekend. “Minding the gap” and “getting comfortable with being uncomfortable” were extremely important aspects of my year but I think the biggest thing I took with me to London was paying attention to my limiting beliefs. There were A LOT of times I caught myself thinking that I was not smart enough to study at the London School of Economics or not strong enough to be away from everyone I knew for a year. Similarly, moving across the world by myself was terrifying and overwhelming and I made mistakes. Being able to recognized my limiting beliefs in the moment was wildly important because I was smart enough and strong enough to handle it. Once I identified that these thoughts were limiting me, I was able to confront them and spend my energy learning and being in London.

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Brian Winstanley – Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable /blog-comfortable-with-being-uncomfortable/ Wed, 16 Mar 2016 15:39:15 +0000 /?p=1107 The most impactful aspect of the Vlogٷ curriculum, for me, was the concept of becoming “comfortable being uncomfortable”. As a young high school student, this motto became a way of life for me, both in my travels through Kenya and my experiences since. The level of growth that a person experiences directly relates to their willingness to be vulnerable and learn to embrace uncomfortable, new situations because without these situations, people remain stagnant.

I grew tremendously as a person throughout the Vlogٷ program because I consciously made an effort to avoid taking the easy route but instead take the more difficult, uncomfortable route that would develop me the most as a person.

Vlogٷ taught me that to see, do, become, and affect as much as possible in our lives, we must first put ourselves in situations where we can break ourselves down, build ourselves up, and grow into the strongest, most interesting, experienced people we can be. This is one way to build ourselves into courageous leaders, something the world desperately needs.

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Natalie Walter – Expectations, Upset and Possibility /expectations-upset-and-possibility/ Wed, 16 Mar 2016 15:34:03 +0000 /?p=1091

I traveled to Kenya in 2011 with Bold Leaders when I was 17, and I traveled to Nepal two years later. I called my Vlogٷ coach Michael a little bit before I left; I was nervous to be gone for two and a half months, with much of that time spent with no internet or phone service, no lights or plumbing. Over the phone, Michael guided me to take out a piece of paper and begin to draw. There were two paths in this drawing, starting on the left side of the paper. One started at the word “possibility,” and one started at the word “expectation.” Both paths went through an upset in the center of the drawing. But, the path that started out as possibility remained possibility on the other side.

These are not instructions to not plan; these are not instructions to fail to carry the medicine with you that will inevitably be needed when your sensitive American stomach can’t handle the untreated Nepali water you drink. I’ve needed to face threats to the safety of the group I was leading in Palestine and Israel, when shots were fired; to be very conscious of myself when my Peruvian classmates in Lima had to understand me through me gringa accent; to translate for an eager group of college students volunteering in Guatemala, while questioning myself why we were even there and if we were helping or harming by coming in and leaving so quickly.

Moments like these have required that I am prepared, yes. But when you focus on a predetermined outcome for travel in things that you can’t control – I WILL return fluent in Spanish, I WILL make a difference in this Nepali community, I WILL teach my group ways they can fight injustice – when the upsets come, they remain upsetting. I’ve learned to be conscious of my thoughts.

In minding the gap, I recognize that culturally, many people and I are not going to understand each other right away, and that it is always worth trying anyway. In being comfortable being uncomfortable, I accept that there is only so much you can plan for in life and in travel. Possibility is not one of those things, and it is something to embrace.
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Keeping Things at Arm’s Length /blog-participation/ Wed, 11 Nov 2015 00:15:02 +0000 http://boldleaders.net/?p=33 It is easier, safer and more comfortable to keep things “at arm’s length”. Whether these ‘things’ are relationships, ideas, stories, communities, etc. – it takes effort, time and some measure of thought to engage, involve yourself and participate. What’s more is that participation is not static – it exists on a continuum: on one end I can exhibit mild interest and be considered participatory, while on the other end there is and can be such a high level of engagement that I am actually co-creating something with others. What has people participate and invest at such a level? What would be the impetus that overcomes the desire for ease and safety?

At Vlogٷ we have explored this question for the last 15 years: What has people participate at high levels for sustained, long-term time periods? It caused us to examine the notion of Participation, to the point where it has become one of our Guiding Principles. It caused us to create a unique Design Platform that we termed Availability – our programs always include this element. Most importantly perhaps, it caused us to look at the SOURCE of high-level participation and to see what was missing in the cases of keeping things “at arm’s length”. What we uncovered is unique, simple and profound and we have been incorporating it into our work with schools, educators and organizations with great success now. The images and stories about Bold Leaders around the world is just scratching the surface: participants in our programs keep going, they engage, they take part in – they are fundamentally different than when they began working with us. They do not keep things at arm’s length – instead they jump in and generate.

 

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